7.7 – The One With The Killer Massage

So remember last post when I said there might be babies soon? Well, that wasn’t quite true. I mean, it’s soon, but not that soon.

Also, dear people will allergies; how the heck do you guys cope!? Apparently I have an allergy to something (the outside?) because the skin around my eyes is all itchy and sore and dry. Like, applying aloe moisturiser every 30 seconds kind of dry, and the wanting to claw my eyes out kind of itchy. It looks like I have a black eye, only more red than black. Help me.

Anyway, remember how last time everything broke and I lost a good half a post? Yup, so now we’re going all the way back to before Billy died!

Just in case anybody was wondering, Rose is utterly oblivious to Remus’s death. She, like every other pet I’ve ever had in this game, is left to her own devices and having a whale of a time.

Shakespeare: So dad, my sources tell me that in another setting you died due to heartbreak. So, I thought I would give you this massage to help relieve some of your tension.

Billy: How kind of you.

Shakespeare: Yeah, I was hoping I could help you –

Shakespeare: Oh come on, my massage wasn’t that bad!

Grim: Alright old man, no messing about. Let’s keep this quick and easy and you’ll be reunited with your husband ASAP.

Billy: Sounds fair.

Shakespeare: I’m never giving another massage as long as I live!

Even when I reloaded the save, Billy still died of heartbreak a day after Remus.

Yvaine: I think it’s time I took you out this time. Just so you know, you didn’t kill dad.

Shakespeare: My massage was so bad he died!

Yvaine: Yeah, so I’ve just inherited a shitload of junk, and I was hoping you could sell it for me.

Vendor: … where the hell were you keeping that!?

Yvaine: So is that a yes?

Shakespeare: You know, I don’t see how this could possibly go wrong.

You say that about a lot of things, don’t you?

Shakespeare: I prefer to live in oblivion.

Shakespeare: Now my insides are reflected on my outside!

Vendor: … What is wrong with this family?

I ask myself that question everyday, buddy.

Liz: Does anyone know what causes this strange light anomaly? Do you think I could be the first to discover what this means!?

I think it means you should get the hell away from there.

Liz: Wait… This is aliens! I could be the first to make contact with aliens! I could discover more about them as a species and – wait, what’s happening?

Liz: No, I don’t want to be abducted! I just want to study them!!

Maybe they want to study you, too.

Liz: I will never be the same again!

Alien: You think you’ll never be the same again?? How do you think I feel!? You’re not even human!

Meanwhile, Shakespeare is completely oblivious to the plight of his not-wife, and continues to play video games.

Shakespeare: Are things happening up in the real world?

Yvaine: One day I will achieve my dream, and look heroic while doing it.

So have I mentioned that Yvaine’s LTW is broken? Basically, it’s just not showing up anymore and hasn’t since she came back from Uni. I haven’t really put much effort into fixing it, but I will do when she gets closer to maxing it. I had this with Tauriel over on my EPIC, and it eventually just fixed itself so I don’t really know what to do this time round. But I’ll bodge something, I guess.

Shakespeare: I know, I can’t believe they’re gone either!

Yvaine: Only you would find comfort in a dog.

Shakespeare: She misses them too!!

Liz: Are you really gonna eat that? It’s rotten!

Shakespeare: But it’s my favourite!

Liz: You’ll make yourself sick.

Shakespeare: Make a new fruit parfait, she said. It’ll be better for you, she said. WELL IT’S NOT AND NOW I’M SOAKED.

Liz, on the other hand, gives no shits.

Liz: He’ll be fine.

Unlike your plants, however.

Liz’s plants are often in a state of complete and total neglect. They’re nearly always wilting or something, and she does not care.

Liz: They’ll live.

Not if you don’t water them, and then where will be?

 

Liz then proceeds to try to drown herself in the bathtub for no conceivable reason.

Liz: You care more about my plants than me.

But, we’re also somewhat good at giving sims what they want, so Liz gets to finally start on building her handiness skill.

Liz: And I just had to pretend to die to get it. Duly noted.

Rose: Nobody will eat from this food bowl except me!

Not even you, because you’re too busy guarding the damn thing.

Shakespeare: Why did we have to buy more of these string lights!? We have so many of these lights!!

How dare you call me out like this.

Shakespeare: Yeah, so my job’s going pretty well. I haven’t been arrested yet!

Yvaine: I’m 90% sure you work in an office.

I’m not even going to pretend I know why Yvaine is in the graveyard at night, on the phone.

Yvaine: I just had to get out of that house. You know how it gets sometimes. You’re so lucky you got to move out, Vick. Though I don’t know what I’d do if I did move out.

You’d be lost without my direction.

Yvaine takes advantage of this rare time alone to practise her art skill, something which I’ve refused to let her do since she came home from Uni.

Yvaine: It’s a hard life.

Yvaine: I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way! Still, I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday…

Fall Out Boy is back!

Hey, pretty boy’s back on the telescope! Reminiscent of the time he did this as a teen, and I realised just exactly how pretty he is and how much I love him. My beautiful trash son.

Shakespeare: Oh god, I think I just found the aliens that abducted Liz! Does anyone have any laser guns so I can shoot them down?

Do we have laser gu- this family can’t afford laser guns!!

Shakespeare: ‘Please name your discovery’. Hm… Liz Tarry, because she’s the only star I know.

Liz: … Do I know you?

Elisha: Maybe. We may have met once. Maybe even shared a house.

Liz: These timelines are incredibly fucked up.

These two try skinning dipping for about thirty seconds, and then immediately get out.

Liz: The water is much colder than I expected.

Shakespeare: We can’t afford heaters until we get more promotions.

Liz: So that’s why Yvaine has a job.

Shakespeare: You know… I named a star after you.

Liz: You did?

Shakespeare: Yeah, so now I can say you’re out of this world.

Liz: Oh god.

I hope some of the kids inherit her nose, we could do with the variety.

They’re so cute.

So they’re finally married, for real this time.

These two are so cute together just like every other legacy couple except Lyra and Peter and their colours are so complementary.

They’re also very attracted to each other.

Liz: I think this falls under the ‘improper use’ category.

Shakespeare: We have so invalidated the warranty.

Liz & Shakespeare: Worth it.

Shakespeare: Look at my gorgeous wedding ring!

Liz: If you turned around you could look at your gorgeous wife.

And then he proceeds to give her romantic massage.

You guys are trying to compete against Billy & Remus for most in love, aren’t you? Sorry, but there’s no competition.

Yvaine: I made it home alive from that graveyard, if anybody cares.

I’m glad you had some time out of the house.

This is probably what Yvaine was doing in the graveyard; rescuing Brick’s urn!

Brick: It’s nice to be back. I barely recognised the house though.

I know, it’s nice isn’t it?

Still vying for best couple, the Dream Team have now taken up gardening together in order to get all of the plants watered in time.

Shakespeare: This would be so much easier if we hired a maid. Shame we can’t afford one, though.

Liz: I also don’t think maids water plants.

Shakespeare: They’d do whatever we paid them to do.

Liz: All that talk about maids has given me an idea…

Liz: It works! I’m a genius!!

Liz: ARISE, MY BEAUTIFUL CREATION! LIVE! BREATHE! SONNY, I GIVE YOU LIFE!

Points to anyone who gets the name reference. Sonny is female, despite the name (robots don’t adhere to your gender norms), and coloured mostly purple as that’s Liz’s favourite colour.

Sonny: Hmm, I find this model to be more athletically built than me. I wonder if I could have my parts changed like this.

You’re literally 30 seconds old.

Liz: How would you like a new trait! I’ve been carrying this chip around in my pocket for weeks.

Sonny: Yes, master.

Liz: Yeah okay, this is really weird.

Sonny: I agree.

Despite the awkward encounter, she now has the Competent Cleaner trait chip.

Yvaine: You know, the amount of dates I’m being asked on is flattering, but I’m not sure I’m really into the whole dating scene.

Yvaine: You aga- Okay, here’s the deal. I’m not actually interested in the dating scene. People are attractive and all, but dating isn’t for me. Now, I’m going home, where there’s a nice loud drumkit and a nice warm bed.

Sim: You could’ve just said ‘no’.

Yvaine: I’m tired.

Here’s a better look at Sonny. She’s cute and I love her, but holy shit is she annoying sometimes. I was tempted to call her Viki, but Viki was also evil so I decided against that.

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