6.15 – The One With Tristan’s Existential Crisis

It’s the last post of Generation Six! Shakespeare was about six days from YA when I launched the poll, so we still have this post worth of stuff before I actually ‘crown’ him heir.

RECAP; Voltron Legendary Defender, skilling, covered in bees, and Tristan became a YA.

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Tristan: Wait, are you telling me that I’m not heir!? And that it went to Shakespeare!?

Billy: I.. uh… Yesandpleasedontcurseme?

Tristan: Haha, eat this father!

It’s safe to say that Tristan might be a little bitter that I didn’t actively choose him.

Remus: Ooh, my cooking skill has suddenly improved!

Una: I’m gonna get out of here before things get ugly…

She’s not moving out yet, I have plans for her first! She’s just going to work. But her uniform is interesting, I thought they all had base game stuff?

This is the Chosen One, folks!

Shakespeare: I’m supposed to defeat Lord Voldemort?

Don’t ruin this for me.

Isn’t he bloody gorgeous?

Shakespeare: Damn straight, I am.

I genuinely forgot how pretty this boy is.

Yvaine: Tory, what the fucking fuck is the answer to this fucking question?

Remus: Language.

Tory: Do your own damn homework.

Homework party over, it’s time for more skilling!

Yvaine: Well sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s bad, but living with you – well, you’re driving me mad!

Victoria: I didn’t know you were a Scouting for Girls fan!

Yvaine: Tell Shakespeare and I will ram that paintbrush up your left fucking nostril.

Una has taken up the ever-so-manly task of spreading hay for Buckbeak, since she’s easily the most buff person in the house.

Billy: But… that’s my job!

Sorry, man.

I’m not entirely sure where to put it in the post, because I missed everything to do with it, but Una maxed the Athletic skill! (Obviously, this is not it because you can see the skill bar peeking out at the top)

Just the martial arts skill to go and then she’s completed her LTW – already!

I’d like to begin the introduction of my Tristan mini-series, that sees him standing in random places and getting into everybody’s way.

Remus: Please move.

Tristan: Not yet.

The doggies are still alive and kicking, yet very much ignored.

Tonks: We don’t need you, anyway!

Yvaine: What my Dads don’t know won’t kill them, right?

Get off that thing before you kill yourself.

Yvaine: Fuck the police.

Billy: You know, kids these days have no respect for the police! I’m so glad you two are different.

Shakespeare: Haha, good one, Dad!

Yvaine: Shut up, he’s fucking serious.

Shakespeare: Does Remus know?

Yvaine: I hate you.

In part two of Hopeless Tristan, he has managed to move away from the food synthesiser and has now taken to staring at the counter.

Tristan: This wasn’t here when I was a kid.

Yet another homework party!

Yvaine: I’m gonna fucking murder whoever had the idea to give kids homework, I swear to god.

Shakespeare: This is so much easier when you hack the answers from the school system.

In part three of Hopeless Tristan, it is now 4pm and Tristan has abandoned his post in the kitchen in order to attempt to do some washing.

I think.

Tonks: See, Yvaine, somebody loves me!

Yvaine: I never claimed to like you in the first place, just FYI.

Shakespeare: A philosopher once asked, “Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?” Pointless, really. Do the stars gaze back? Now, that‘s a question.

Yvaine: Vick, why aren’t you doing your homework?

Tory: It’s Saturday night, nobody works Saturday night! Skive hard, play hard, that’s my motto!

Cookies and eternal love if you get the reference

In the latest episode of Hopeless Tristan, Molly begs our protagonist for food, only to be met with a blank stare. All hope may soon be lost.

This is a shameless ‘Look At Shakespeare’s Gorgeous Face’ picture.

I’m in love.

Victoria: Have I won you over to my way of thinking?

Yvaine: I can see why you like this.

Victoria: Just relaaaaax and enjoy the bubbbbbbbbbles….

Yvaine: Soo… how’s your music practice going?

Tory: What did I say about the bubbles?

Episode five of Hopeless Tristan, Tristan stands by the pool.

Look at these two. They’re still disgustingly in love.

STOP GAYING UP THE PLACE.

Una gets back from work at like 11pm, which sucks for her. But, in better news, she’s now so buff that her thighs clip through her bed.

Una: Please let me sleep.

Tristan drinks honey while his parents continue to be sickeningly in love.

And then he heartfarts Elisha. I missed the bit that happened directly after this; he slapped her.

Billy: How dare you be attractive!

Una: Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within…

Yeah, I think the Mulan jokes are getting a little old, now.

Una: Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for!

Seriously, unless directed, this fool just stands around aimlessly or reads.

Tristan: Haha, books are funny.

I kind of feel sorry for him.

Remus and Tristan both are obsessed with this crystal ball. I keep missing the shots but Tristan keeps getting cursed by it; so far he’s managed to cost the family about 1600 in curse money  XD

Tristan: How dare you skip school!!

Shakespeare: I was literally there the whole ti- are you still mad about the Heir Poll thing?

Tristan: No!!

Shakespeare: Guys, I feel like we should stage an intervention.

Yvaine: Yes!! Let’s go and take down the school board; no school, no homework!!

Shakespeare: Uh, no. I meant Tristan. I think he’s lost it.

Tory: I have an idea!

Yvaine: This was your idea of a Tristan-Intervention!?

Tory: Yeah! Parties make everyone feel better!

Una: I’m missing it, aren’t I?

Yvaine: Oh, this is fantastic.

80s/90s Rock Aesthetic Yvaine!!

Tristan: Why didn’t I get to look that cool?

Because you’re a loser.

However, at that time, something else was happening.

Molly’s life was ending.

I feel kind of sad that she wasn’t with us very long, but at the same time she had a good home in her old age!!

Tonks: Why does everyone keep leaving me?

Tory: I’m here for you, dude!

Meanwhile, everyone else stayed obliviously inside and ate cake.

Billy: Can you believe somebody accused me of being arrested!? I haven’t even left the house in months!

Shakespeare: Alright, the Party Intervention plan didn’t work. I think it’s time for something drastic.

Yvaine: What did you have in mind?

Shakespeare: He needs to get laid.

Yvaine: Nobody’s going to sleep with him, though.

Shakespeare: Damnit.

In an ironic turn of events, Remus stops to celebrate his birthday mid-cry.

Remus: I’m about to look as old as I feel!!

He had to have the crazy old man jumper.

Remus: I can work with this… I think.

….

Remus: OH GOD I’M OLD!

There we go.

Yvaine: Because maybe, you’re gonna be the one that saves me…

Tristan: I can’t believe she caved.

Shakespeare: Neither can I! I’m so happy I’m gonna ascend into the skies!

Tristan: Can I be heir in your place?

I think this is probably the real reason they’re best friends. Shakespeare, being a fairy, loves to dance.

Though, his fairy auras are incredibly helpful in helping Yvaine max her skills faster.

Shakespeare: Happy to be of service.

Please, tell everyone your YA trait, Yvaine.

Yvaine: IT’S IRRESISTIBLE, YEAH!

And now it’s Una’s time for a little help!

Una: PICK UP THE PACE, SLACKER! DO YOU EVEN LIFT, BRO?

Shakespeare: Why did I agree to this?

Yvaine: Do you think he’s having a fucking existential crisis or something?

Billy: I shouldn’t laugh at my own children, this is completely ridiculous.

Victoria has taken to sitting in the sandpit when there’s nothing else going on.

Victoria: I can party with the sand people!

Shakespeare is still plugging away at his logic skill, boosting himself with his own fairy powers.

PROM TIME! Isn’t she beautiful?

Shakespeare was wearing the traditional suit of the male Gordon family members, so I didn’t include a picture of him. He was very handsome, however.

So my Heir was the only one to not score a RI… Damnit!

Billy: Oooh, I can’t watch!!

Billy: It looks so painful!

Una: Just focus on your breathing…

Seriously, these faces are ridiculous.

Billy: Wait, all my time in the spa was supposed to prevent this! I’m too handsome to get old!

Tristan: Tough break, old man.

Billy: I’m still gorgeous.

Tristan: Crystal ball, crystal ball, tell me what do you see!?

Crystal Ball: You suck, lol.

Tristan found a laundry gnome! A last ditch attempt to get back into my good books, huh?

Of course, I’m not so superficial that it actually worked.

I totally am.

Shakespeare: So, that first dance was awkward, wasn’t it?

Vicky: Incredibly. Let’s never mention it again.

Shakespeare: Done deal.

This is Tristan’s friend from an earlier post!

She’s a Whalers-Sw0rd, so Emily’s simself’s grandchild. I think she’s gorgeous.

Shakespeare: I am but a slave to the wishes of the watcher…

Yvaine: Sounds kinky!

Shakespeare: I could get blown up, here, but thank you for your input.

Shakespeare is working on a Young Again potion – Danita is about ten days older than he is, so if they get on I’ll bring her back down so they’re closer in age!

Una: I AM THE BEST.

😀 !!!

Oh, for goodness sake! Can’t we have anything good in this legacy without it being interrupted by something sad!?

Tonks: Well I’m sorry to inconvenience you by dying.

Remus: Tonks, no! Without you, I have no dogs!

Tonks: But… I can be with Sirius again…

Shakespeare: Kids should never see their parents cry like this. It’s disturbing…

Remus: MY DOGS!!

Shakespeare: Nope, I take it back. This is disturbing.

Billy, you can’t flirt with death.

Billy: I can if it brings my husband’s dog back!

Grim wasn’t interested.

Tory: Dude, I came in here for peace and quiet!

Tristan: Sorry, but at least I’m actually doing something.

Tory: That’s great, but please go do it somewhere else.

I ain’t even mad.

Everyone loves Lyra.

OH AT LAST!

Tory: It’s party time, baby!

Shakespeare: You know, I’m not sure I want to run this house after all…

Tough – you’ve been picked and we’re not giving it to Tristan now!

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I don’t actually have proper pictures of their Post-Makeover looks, but here they all are! They’re also all available for download on the Generation Seven page.