Do you guys want to know something? Other than the fact I’m the biggest asshole loser on the planet (shown by the rest of this post), I actually asked Mia’s gender preference before the party.
And she said she was straight.
That inspired this post, which I think is something that would probably have happened somewhen between posts 3.8 and 3.9 (given the 8.5 bit)!
This is a ridiculous post, and hopefully it’s as much fun to read as it was to write!
(Ctrl click here for the song. Obviously some lyrics are changed.)
Mia: Ah, an afternoon alone with my favourite hobby. No family to bother me, how could it get any better than this!?
Michael: Oh, hi Mia!
Mia: Hi, Michael…
Michael: Hey Mia, you’ll never guess what happened to me at the Winter Festival this morning! This guy was smiling at me and talking to me…
Mia: Mmm, that’s very interesting.
Michael: Mmhm, he was being really friendly and, huh, I think he was coming on to me! I think he might’ve thought I was gay.
Mia: So uh, why you telling me this? Why should I care? I don’t care. What did you have for lunch today?
Michael: Aw, you don’t have to get all defensive Mi-
Mia: I’M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE!
Mia: Oh, why do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I was trying to paint!
Michael: Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it, Mia. I-I just think it’s something we should be able to talk about.
Mia: Well I do not want to talk about it,
Micahel, this conversation is over.
Michael: Well yeah, but Mia it-
Michael: Well, okay, but just so you know…
Michael: If you were gay, that’d be okay. I mean ’cause, hey, I love you anyway!
Michael: Because you see, if it were meeeee, I would feel free to say that I was gay! But I’m not gay.
Mia: Michael, please. I am trying to paint this picture!
Michael: If you were queer –
Mia: Ah, Michael!
Michael: I’d still be here!
Mia: Michael, I am trying to paint this picture.
Michael: Year after yeeeear –
Michael: Because you’re dear to me.
Michael: And I know that you –
Michael: Would accept me toooo!
Mia: I would?
Michael: If I told you today, “Hey, guess what? I’m gay!”. But I’m not gay.
Michael: I’m happy, just being with yoou!
Mia: I think that’s the right angle…
Michael: So what should it matter to me, what you do in bed with girls!?
Mia: Michael, that is wrong!
Michael: No it’s not!
Michael: If you were gaaaay, I’d shout ‘HOORAY’!
Mia: I am not listening!
Michael: And here I’d stay!
Michael: But I wouldn’t get in your way!
Michael: You can count on me, to always be beside you every day –
Michael: – to tell you it’s okay, you were just born that way!
Michael: And as they say, it’s in your DNA – YOU’RE GAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Mia: BUT I AM NOT GAY!
Michael: If you were gay!